Randall's Wal-Mart Epiphany

“ Helm clearly expects audiences to instantly fall in love with Hoffman, but I had the opposite reaction. I despised every cutesy, gratingly adorable, insufferably life-affirming molecule of Hoffman’s performance, from an exaggerated lithsp that makes him sound like Rip Taylor playing Willy Wonka to his caterpillar eyebrows, fluffy upturned hair, and flamboyant wardrobe. To keep myself sane and awake during the film, I began fantasizing that Hoffman’s character was secretly a deranged sex criminal, and the film would climax with a monologue where he’d tearfully confess “I’m actually a thewial wapist who hath buwied the corpses of many a twanny hooker under the fantastical, magical floor of this most goodest of esthablithments! Now let’s all dwink root-beer floats and jump up and down on the bed and raith Big Wheels! And not weport any of this to the police, those big meanies! ” - Nathan Rabin of the AV Club’s riff on Mister Magorium’s Wonder Emporium for his segment: I Watched This On Purpose